Song: I had a bad day

That song is playing in my head: "I had a bad day." But, I can't remember how the rest of it goes. I've lost my normal optimism. I want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend the world does not exist. I want someone else to take care of my child, my house, my bills, my family, my laundry, everything. I want to wake up in the morning and be free of the guilt associated with making bad choices. Guilt is heavy. It'll break your spirit faster than anything else. I chose this house and now I feel bogged down by it. Why didn't I make a better decision?

My car will not be repaired until Tuesday (if then) and my mother is leaving for MO tomorrow morning so I will be without company, without a car, and without the ability to go anywhere. I cannot drive a stickshift in Tulsa traffic so I can't even drive Jarred's truck. Plus, his truck won't fit all 3 of us.

Jarred's stupid company overpaid him on his check and now they want to stop paying him at all until he makes back the money. They paid him $4100. They taxed us on a $4100 check. HELLO!! We NEVER make $4100 in a week, that is entirely out of our tax bracket. It's such a flippin' mess. Jarred and I disagree on how to handle the situation. He told me to make the decision and then tell him what to do. What if I make the wrong one?

I feel like crying. But, I'm too tired. I'm too tired of all of this. I feel like such a failure, even as a Christian. I know and trust God to take care of this situation so why am I so distraught?

I've got to keep pluggin' through. I can't give up. I've got to try and pay bills and stick to the budget. I've got to cook, clean, and take care of baby.

Well, dinner needs finished. TTYL