Oh, what to do?

Major decisions are by necessity difficult to make. If they were easy, they wouldn't be major, now would they? I'm 27 years old and I should have a few things figured out by now like what do I want to be when I grow up? Well, I know I want to be a mommy. I know I want at least 1 more child, preferrably withing the next 3 years. I think I am meant to teach, but have some all-consuming fear of failing.

About a year ago, my husband and I bought a house with 5 acres out in the country. We wanted to raise our son Evan in a small town and be able to have livestock (my desire b/c I grew up with cows and pigs). Reality doesn't always mesh with our dreams. Today was an important day in my life. My husband pointed out that we are "house poor." Our mortgage payment is draining us. We cannot afford another child while we have this mortgage payment. We cannot afford to have livestock b/c of the mortgage. We cannot afford...(hit repeat and fill in the blank).

I've called about re-financing our house, but it won't save us much ($1.50 a month--no joke!). Our taxes more than doubled this year. They're nearly $1500. We can't keep up with our 2 acre yard. Our lawnmower has spent more time broken down over the last year than functional. Push mowing 2 acres stinks. :-(

I could list 10 great reasons why we need to sell, but my heart breaks a little to give up my childhood dream. Between gas and a decreased mortgage payment, we would save an estimated $600 a month by moving (as long as we broke even on the house). Can you imagine!? We could afford another child. We could afford for me to stay home. We could afford...(repeat and fill in the blank). We have friends in Broken Arrow so we're thinking of moving there. It's 20-25 miles closer to work for Jarred.

I e-mailed the real estate agent we worked with when we bought the house and asked him to evaluate our home. We need some direction on what to fix up before we put it on the market. We're thinking of putting it out there next summer. We bought it for 20K under the asking price so we're hoping that good deal will help us be able to break even.

I've been praying that God will help us make wise decisions with our money, but I never thought he would lead us here. I didn't think we would have to sell our house. We will keep praying and listening. "Lean not unto your own understanding..." I don't know where the Bible says that, but it's true. I must trust the Lord to provide for us b/c it is beyond my reach. If you read this, and you're the praying sort, please send up a quick prayer for us. We would really appreciate it. Money is such a stressor (for everyone). It's causing a lot of fights between my husband and I. We've never been the fighting sort, but we find ourselves grumpy and easily frustrated right now.

Well, the baby needs a bath and he's fussy b/c he's teething. Thank goodness for Tylenol! I hope he sleeps tonight!!! :-)