Mommy Considerations

It was a lovely day today. We went to the pumpkin patch and had a wonderful time. We just got home and Evan is jumping in his Johnny Jumper and talking, "Yiiiii, ya, ya, ya" and ect. I'm pleasantly tired and typing on the computer. Mom is out on the back step smoking a cigarette and enjoying the country noises of tree frogs and wind in the trees. Jarred, of course, is at work.

I haven't been feeling well. I'm crrrrrraaaaannnnkkkkyyy and exhausted. I'm stressed out. If you are sensitive abotu "girl talk," I would suggest you skip this paragraph. :-) I really thought I'd get my period this month. I lost a few pounds and ran (although I haven't felt like running for over 2 weeks--gotta remedy that soon). I thought for sure I felt the ovulation pain and I had all the signs of ovulation. I've got nothing. I'm craving milk (my body must be low on calcium) and I'm a grump. I'm fatigued. I know what you're going to say, "You're pregnant." Let me explain. It took over 2 years to get Evan, and he was an absolute miracle. I certainly don't want to get my hopes up again. Nonetheless, I took a pregnancy test today. It was one I had from last year when I found out I was preggo with Evan. There was only 1 stripe in the control window, which means it was negative; however, there was another stripe outside of the results window (two stripes equals preggo). I've never had this happen before and I should have stock in pregnancy test from all those years of trying to conceive. I need to take another one. I had a false negative with Evan. Women with PCOS often have low levels of HCG at the beginning, which is what the test measures to tell if you're pregnant or not. There are other alternatives. It could be allergies (I was sick for over 3 weeks straight.). It could be my body getting used to working again. It could also be that I'm diabetic; this is a great worry to me. I may take my sugar tomorrow morning with my mom's glucose machine and see if it's unnaturally high. I certainly hope it's not.

I have soooo many things I'm worrying about. Why don't I just turn them over to God? I need to just let go, but instead, I'm just dreading this "to do list" that never seems to get done. I'm stressed about money. Good grief, I'm not a very good example of a Christian if I'm worried about every little thing.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for a blessed day among friends and for mother visiting us to help with babysitting and to visit. Thank you Lord that Jarred still has his job even if it is only for the time being. Thank you for the hours I've gotten at Wright substitute teaching. Please Lord help us with our finanaces and give me additional skills in the kitchen so that we may eat well and not be tempted to eat out as much. Thank you Lord for the 4 years Jarred and I have been married and for the incredible son we have. Please dear Lord, watch over Jill and her husband as he searches for new employment. Please take care of Deedra as her due date approaches and many thanks for the reconciliation her and Kyle have had. Bless and watch over their little family. Let me keep my unwanted opinions to myself but offer advice only as it is needed with them (i.e. the bumper issue). Guide and protect Melissa and her family as they go through the foster process. I pray for Amy and her decision that you may guide her and give her the strength to do your will. We also pray for the health of the grandparents, Aunt Jean, and all those in need, Lord. We thank you for the bounty you have given us. I turn over my stresses to you and ask for your forgivness. I have judged when I should not have judged and I have worried when I should not have worried. Again, thank you Lord for all that you have given us.

Amen.

To any readers who stumble upon this post: I have taken to the habit of writing a little prayer. It's my way of holding myself accountable and openly acknowledging my faults, my needs, and my faith. I've never been very good at sharing my faith, and now I feel like I need to reach out more. It is not meant to offend anyone, only to uplift us all and praise the Lord.